100cc of Kendra Fashion Advice! Stat!

Red alert, readers! Fall season has started, and you don't wanna be on the "operating table" when the rest of the patients are scoping out the new M.D.'s! Not a fear, Dr. Kendra has the prescription to get you out of your life-threatening fashion coma and into the new you!

As you probably saw during New York Fashion Week (assuming everyone else is a single 30-year old woman with a pathetic fashion and sex blog), denim capris are gonna be huuuuuuge this Fall. Caroline and I have interviewed thousands of men on their biggest turn ons, and the answers speak for themselves: "denim capris are a huge turn-on for me". Make sure that you are holding them up my suspenders also; guys love undressing a girl wearing suspenders attached to capris.

So there's the word from the Fashion E.R.! Hopefully your life-threatening fashion cyst will subside so you don't drift off into fashion nothingness and fashion die! Toodaloo!

Dr. Kendra

3 Quick Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life!

Has sex with your man become more dull as your vagina dries up along with your relationship? Try these 3 easy, steamy tips to bring the SPICE back to your love making!

 First off, douse his testicles in chili powder  while he sleeps. Every guy likes a little sexual surprise, especially when they are deep in sleep and have a meeting tomorrow. After they awake from the searing pain, start crying viciously while holding a butcher knife. He won't know what to think! 

Second, dig up all of his dead family pets and attach strings to them. Set up candles in a different room, leading him to believe he's about to be in for a sexual treat! After you butter him up, bring him to the room of the Nightmare Puppets. Perform for him the Show of Darkness and drink his tears. Despair efficiently provides sustenance, with almost zero calories!

Lastly, lose some weight, you fucking piggy! Nobody could ever love a blob like you. You disgust me. Your idea of a romantic date with your lover is ordering Dominoes and sweating grease while watching Joey. Your sex is more gaseous and rancid then Mexico City traffic. 

Hopefully these 3 tips help to add some much needed zest to your intercourse! Good luck out there, lovers.

-Caroline